Fall/Winter ’06 – Haute Couture
With this Haute Couture season, designers have taken a cue from the recent and much publicized increase in art collecting and artistic appreciation, by creating some of the most inventive and luxurious fashions ever to hit the runways (WOW, RIGHT??). The amazingly embroidered, appliquéd, and exquisitely sewn masterpieces of this season resist falling into garishness, thanks to an unprecedented array of far-reaching historical references marshaled by the designers--references that are as stunningly re-imagined as they are boldly re-combined (kinda like threads of DNA! Get it, THREADS??). And of course, it does not take a trained eye to note the intense discipline, the precisely executed craftsmanship, and the impeccable fabric sensibility that go into the creation of these such sartorial wonders (Yeah, um, what HE said...). It is those types of elements that are irrefutably essential to an Haute Couture collection—and to an Haute Clientele that is paying far more for one such outfit than the average person spends on an automobile (and not an “haute-o-mobile,” mon cher). It is but one blasé shrug and a single well-heeled step from 25 to 30 thousand dollars, is it not? I mean, mon Dieu...how could you quarrel with such infinitesimal monetary discrepancies? I beseech you to vex me NOT with your insufferable ignorance. Why, I ought to throw you to the lions! Such blindness to art is a noxious fume that offends my every sense. But as for the rest of you? The Real and the True? The pristine, unsullied comprehenders of aesthetic pulchritude? Imbibe…on this:
Armani Prive - That unmistakably severe, masculinely feminine Armani look. Yup--still works!
Lovely. Let's take a closer look …
What are you thinking?
Before you think this is the same outfit, allow me to correct as well as enlighten you, my darling: Shakepeare once said the tears that fell from a woman’s eyes were “As pearls from diamonds dropp'd.” And yet, it appears the metaphor has been reversed…and the result? Poetry in itself.
This...is CONTRAST!
Chanel – "Effortless" Perfected – (I gotta get the trademark on that)
Some would-be designers look at this and may shrug at the simplicity of the design…but ha! Therein lies the genius….
I wish I could even picture something like this in my own creative imagination. I can’t! The great Picasso used to be well paid for drawing a few lines and curves on restaurant napkins. Now it is fashion designers who turn millimeters of charcoal into millions of dollars. Are the designs really worth that much? Well, as long the people are buying, and other people are looking, the answer is OUI, MONSIEUR...oui.
And again! Every aspect is amazing.
Elie Saab - So beautiful! Who could not be moved by a dress such as this?
Jean Paul Gaultier – In this instance, the haute levels are achieved not with gems and embroidery, but with the materials, which... unbelievable.
She left her diamond-encrusted cell phone in the limo and is just quickly stepping out to get it, OK?? Keep your eyes to yourself and mind your own business, you friggin’ valet. This has NOTHING to do with you (and by “this,” I mean this gorgeous beauty--isn't she hot? Hey you want me to get you some bread rolls?).
Definitely the best equalizing of comfort and elegance for THIS particular season. How the f^ck are you gonna wear a crystal, chandelier-esque bustier and crystal-lined opera gloves with the slouchiest pair of wool slacks in your entire wardrobe? I don't know, but it's just another brilliant vision from the mind of Gaultier...
Satin Doll!
I believe that is theee...“Leaning-against-the-locker/Totally-ready-to-tell-a-super-nasty-rumor” Face. (I'm not 2 sure tho n' I don't wanna say it again cuz she might hear me n' make funna me 4 it)
Very nice design! Different from every other one in the collection, too.
“How could you hurt me like that?” LOOK, I'M SORRY. All I said was that the dress should have been 73% rayon, 34% nylon—and not 76% rayon, 35% nylon. But I won’t say it again, OK?? I swear...!!
Valentinov – Er, Valentin~O. But you wouldn’t know it from this Russian-flavored kollektion. Just stepped off the troika, did we?
Yeah, that does it -- I’m gonna make a movie called “When Czarevnas Ruled the Catwalk” (Yes, that is the daughter of a czar. I would've said Czarina but a queen is just not as interesting as a princess. And if that's a misconception, don't blame me--blame Disney!)
Nye kharasho, pisan. That's Russian-Italian for: Not bad, man.
Christian Dior - “We recognize in works of genius our own rejected thoughts; they come back to us shining with a certain alien majesty.” (-me, very much misquoting Emerson)
I don't even know what to say, or ask, or think or FEEL when I see this. This is seriously like "OMFG/WTF" to the 5th power. rgbe3GB$H45#6IJ*5H}B5_es^5E@eG[DQd&-fk WH@T!!!!!!
Okay, wwwwait a second. What the hell am I suggesting here? That the hidden source of inspiration for the Dior Fall '06 Couture season were a few He-Man/Masters of the Universe action figures??? Model: Man-at-Arms
Well, the INTERPRETATION is definitely original--I'll say that much. (That dude is Jitsu)
This guy is "Fisto"(not to be confused with MEPHisto), ready to clobber anyone not accoutre'd with a Krylon-sprayed crustacean on their cranium.
So anyway...yeeeah. The evidence is basically overwhelming. But the looks are as outrageously beautiful as ever...actually more so.

_______________________________Okay! So Sioux Me!_______________________________ And by that, I mean: If you are going to paint my eyes, please make it look like THIS:

This is the only time you will ever see this much of this color, ever... EVER. Enjoy it while it lasts. And then enjoy that nice Corona after you have removed the memory of this outfit from the bottle of your mind. It does give quite a kick though, doesn't it?
There seriously needs to be an award every year for Best Eyebrows in a Runway Show—we’ll call ‘em "The Browsies" LOL
Wait a minute--baroquely ornamented platform heels. Okay -- just making sure I'm not going crazy here. It's just 2006, and this is just another way in which old styles have been synthesized together with new ones. Okay, phew! That was a close one...
Um... What the f^ck did I just say....??
Taking one last look at the men she has just slain. Is that a trace of remorse in her eyes...? Nope.... Not a chance.
"...they come back shining with a certain alien majesty…" Ah yes, and here we have the spaceman mastermind himself, the one behind this whole Mongolian-armored Fetish Party/Renaissance Fair, Mr. John Galliano. Hopefully still orbiting the universe of fashion for more surprises for next time...